When my kids were little bitty, I longed for the day when they started school. I loved school as a kid and I wanted to love the schools my kids went to. We purposely picked the district in which we live bypassing another one close by. From the time Drew was out of the early childhood hall at his preschool and moved into the "big kid" hall, life was not always good and this was so disheartening for me. Once private kindergarten was coming to an end and we had to decide what to do next for Drew, we decided to dive into public school and see how Drew would do.
PUBLIC SCHOOL
I love our public school system in this country. I taught there for seven years before I had my kids. I will most likely go back to teaching in a few years. Most teachers do it because they love kids and love their subject areas. I like knowing that my child is spending the day with another adult who loves passing on a love of learning as much as I do. There are well-known people who are wealthy enough to afford private schools but they still send their kids to public school. Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, who is a huge advocate for New York City public schools, comes to mind. Drew has a team of people pulling for him at his school...his teacher, the school psychologist, the assistant principal and the school counselor. I know that they are legally required to help him in the least restrictive way possible but I get the feeling these ladies really want to help. They are all deeply kind. We have been honest with them about his diagnosis and his treatment. We expect them to be honest with us about his school experience and they have been. We are so pleased with his progress there. He currently has all As. His teacher loves him unconditionally and is always ready with something good to say about him. We spent all of kindergarten hearing mostly about his struggles so it's refreshing.
One of the frustrations about public school has to be the red tape and confusion regarding a certain population of special needs kids. Autism spectrum seems to be something that public schools still stumble over. Our district places autism and Asperger's under the special education umbrella but pervasive developmental disorder is not. Other districts place all autism diagnoses under their special ed umbrella. As I've learned, there is no one standard for school districts. Drew does not qualify for special ed services even though he is on the autism spectrum. It's so confusing and a little frustrating. I would hate to take resources away from a child who is struggling even more but at the same time, Drew does struggle. We, of course, have other options like 504 placement but we aren't visiting that right now.
PRIVATE SCHOOL
Frankly, public schools are often better equipped than private schools (with the exception of the specialized therapeutic private schools) to help special needs kids. Private schools are well within their rights to ask a family to remove a "difficult" child from the school. Drew's preschool did a great job of meeting his needs, academic and emotional, until he was in his preschool (age 3) year. His teachers began reporting difficulties with meltdowns, inflexibility and social skill deficits. We had these problems at home too, of course, all of which culminated in testing and a diagnosis.
I often felt the school, ironically, had no interest in being flexible themselves. Although they certainly didn't "have" to be more helpful, it is painful to realize that this Christian school didn't "want" to be. Drew didn't fit the mold of many of the kids in the school but they tolerated him, most likely because it wouldn't be kosher to kick out a kid whose family were church members (although I know they have done that before) and they might have kept him around because he's very smart and, aside from his difficulties, is very teachable. Individuality is really a rare thing at this school. Much of the artwork on the bulletin boards is identical, as if the teachers were standing over their shoulders directing the students' creativity. I was happy to see the construction paper snowmen Maddie's class assembled last week. Each one was different (Mad assembled hers upside down so he was standing on the small circle and his face was on the large one at the top.) However, on another class' bulletin board which exclaimed that each student was beautifully different like snowflakes, each snowflake looked exactly the same. What???
I want to stop at this point and clarify that this is not an indictment of our church school (Maddie will continue there) and it's not a judgement of all private schools. This is one family's experience of one small private school. Generally speaking, my kids have had a good experience here. They have learned SO much and been exposed to Christian principles that are important to us. Many of the teachers there are so, so kind and loving. Maddie struggled physically when she was a baby and her teachers at the school had a huge part in her gaining strength and finally walking. The school always appreciated Drew's intelligence and the teachers were always patient with Drew if not always understanding of his issues.
That being said, I still am not sure that a school like this is best for special needs kids. They are often misunderstood and labeled as a "problem." I was always afraid Drew had sort of a "reputation" among the teachers at the church school because, let's face it, even the most professional of teachers talk about their students to each other. To the best of my knowledge, the teachers at the school do not receive any inservice training in either spotting or teaching special needs kids. Drew was fortunate enough to have a former public school teacher/counselor as a preschool teacher and she had enough knowledge in the area to be comfortable enough to tell us Drew was struggling.
WHAT'S THE SAME
Despite the different environments, there are some universal truths that have been apparent at both schools.
The bullying. Sigh..... Drew is a pretty passive kid as long as he's left alone. He has a lot of difficulty once kids start picking on him. He does not understand the concept of ignoring a little punk. We've tried and tried to explain it to him but it escapes him. He was picked on in kindergarten for a good part of the year. At the beginning of this year in first grade, Drew was targeted by a kid in his class. It's better now although I'm not entirely sure what has changed aside from the fact that Drew has been doing so much better. Perhaps the little bully saw Drew as an easy target since he was already getting in trouble. Maybe it was how Drew was handling himself when he got in trouble. I really don't know. However, I do know that Drew is finally coming home without bruises and scratches.
The learning. Drew is learning so much. He can add! He's reading exceptionally well. He gets 100s on almost all of his spelling tests. He getting better at the things he learned in kindergarten and he's learning entirely new things.
The love of recess. I suppose this will never change. He's going to be disappointed in junior high when they don't have recess there. :)
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