Haters

From "Loser Like Me", Glee Cast Original (air date, March 15, 2011)

 

Push me up against the locker
And hey, all I do is shake it off
I’ll get you back when I’m your boss
I’m not thinkin’ ’bout you haters
‘Cause hey, I could be a superstar
I’ll see you when you wash my car

All of the dirt you’ve been throwin’ my way
It ain’t so hard to take, that’s right
‘Cause I know one day you’ll be screamin’ my name
And I’ll just look away, that’s right

I heard this song on Glee last night and I was immediately affected.  These lyrics are just a small part from a really great song that says volumes about being bullied and how, one day, the bullies will get theirs.

Last week, Drew was, again, the victim of physical bullying.  Two kids scratched him up.  No, he doesn't always report this when it happens.  He doesn't retaliate either.  It's just who Drew is and no matter how many times we tell him that he needs to tell his teacher, he doesn't always.  His teacher does know that there are kids in his class who hurt him sometimes so I know she has her eyes on it when she can. 

WHY THESE KIDS?
I read somewhere that kids with high-functioning autism are four times more likely to be bullied than a typically-developing kid (I am sorry I don't know the source of this statistic.)  High-functioning autistic kids are often socially awkward, display unusual behaviors, are often willing to give up their rights and possessions without question, and can be easily fooled into thinking someone is their friend.

FIGHTING BACK
It makes me physically sick to my stomach and throws me into a new dimension of anger when Drew has an encounter with a bully.  All I want to do is retaliate.  I am not proud of this but it's my first instinct....to fight back, find their parents and tell them what their kid does to other kids.  I know one of the kids who gives Drew trouble lives a couple of streets away from us and it takes a great deal of will-power to not find their house and go all Jets-Sharks on them (apologies for the "West Side Story" reference).  From a teacher standpoint, I can remember the bullies in my classes and they often did it because they were having trouble in their own lives and that is how they expressed it.  Perhaps these kids who are giving Drew trouble are having issues too.  I can sympathize with that, of course, so I mind my manners.

WHAT IS A FRIEND?
Teaching an autistic kid about bullying is really hard.  Drew (like many autistic kids) has a hard time distinguishing between friendly and non-friendly behaviors.  He thinks that any interaction with someone, positive or negative, means you are friends.  Drew does not understand that kids who tease or who physically hurt him are not being friendly.  Adding to Drew's confusion, the bully often makes friendly advances towards him (i.e., inviting him to a party).  We have to be very clear with Drew what it means to be a friend and what is not a "friend" action. 

FIGHTING BACK?
Drew has recently expressed an interest in taking karate classes.  I was both happy and apprehensive to hear this.  I was happy because Drew hardly ever initiates a willingness to "join in" on something.  He will do things when I suggest them but he hardly ever says he "wants" to do something.  I am worried too though because of the social disconnect Drew has.  Will he be able to understand the karate is not a way to fight when kids pick on him?  Will he be able to to "get" the idea behind karate which is focus and discipline but not fighting?  I keep thinking back to Mr. Myagi in "The Karate Kid" movies when he was trying to tell Daniel that karate wasn't about winning.  That wasn't the point.  But....I digress.  I do want to find a good place for Drew to take classes especially because he has shown interest in something other than video games.
THE BIG PICTURE
I think that Drew being picked on affects me more than it does him.  He has never expressed anxiety about going to school.  He's not really afraid of the boys.  He DOES seem to like hanging out with the girls more probably because they are gentler spirits.  I am glad that it doesn't seem to affect him too much right now.  Hopefully, as he gets older, he will began to understand the dynamics better.  There will probably be a day when he finally expresses some anger or even gets in trouble because he fought back.  He knows that getting physical is the wrong solution but sometimes a person just can't hold back anymore.

My hope for Drew is that he will demonstrate the same characteristics that the song lyrics illustrate...perseverance, courage, success...no matter how much bullies hate on him or take advantage of his retiring nature.  Drew is going to be a big success someday not in spite of his struggles but because of them.